Midnight Mall Madness
by ittybittymattycommittee
Summary: Finn and Artie find themselves locked in a mall, and apparently they're not the only Glee kids there. Cue all-night illegal shenanigans!
1. Chapter 1: 5 pm

"I think you look dashing, if I may say so. The pant-length keeps you from showing off too much ankle, and that tealish bow-tie really accentuates your eyes." Kurt sounded like he'd been shipped off to this little mall in Ohio straight from the set of "Project Runway".

"I preferred the blue pimp-suit with the ruffles", Artie started with a frown, but upon seeing Kurt about to literally throw up at the mention of his personal highlight during this otherwise pretty boring shopping trip, he was quick to add, "But I guess this one's a bit more appropriate for the occasion. You're supposed to look boring at a wedding, as to not distract from the bride, right?", he questioned rhetorically with a playful smile.

Kurt rolled his eyes at his friends attempt at comedy, but smiled along with him, admitting to himself that Artie actually had a pretty decent sense of humor.

Someone who wasn't smiling, and hadn't been for the past two hours was Finn Hudson. He'd been dragged along on this impromptu suit shopping trip by his step-brother earlier that day, when they were hanging out at the Lima Bean together with the majority of the New Directions.

Rachel had forced everyone to take turns and in detail describe their summers breaks this far, and what their plans for the remaining summer were. Artie mentioned one of his cousins getting married, and before he had the time to decline, Kurt was already halfway to the car, pushing him at break-neck speed, silently weeping at the haunting mental images of Artie's prom outfit. Finn had no other choice than to go with them, since he was Kurt's drive home.

That's how Finn had ended up where he was, having been counting floor-tiles over and over again since outfit number five, almost literally bored to tears. Doing some quick math in his head, he reached the conclusion that the black slim-fitted blazer-looking suit Artie was wearing right now was outfit number eleven.

However, as much as Finn suffered, he did it in silence. If Artie wasn't complaining, neither should he, he thought. As much as he'd been starting to wish that he could be anywhere on Earth but here, he could only imagine how bad it'd be to be Kurt Hummel's life-sized dress-up doll.


	2. Chapter 2: 6 pm

One hour later, Artie had finally been allowed by Kurt to purchase a suit, albeit not the "Mac-daddy bling suit", as he had affectionately named it, that he'd have picked if it was up to him, which it wasn't. Kurt had basically threatened to personally dumpster-toss him first day of school if he bought it. With that, he had settled on a nice and cheap navy blue suit with a teal bow tie that went nicely with it.

As the three boys made their way down the emptying mall, a voice filled the speaker system, informing the tired shoppers that they were about to close for the day.

"It's 6 o'clock already?", Kurt questioned with surprise, looking down at his watch to confirm this. "Looks like I only have about five minutes to go get my hairspray."

Reaching down and grabbing the bag the three of them had shared together, from the handles of Artie's wheelchair, he started jogging in the general direction of the store he hoped wasn't already closing up for the day.

"Meet you at the parking lot!", he shouted at Finn and Artie in his hurry, and with that, he was out of sight.

"Dude, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna head to the bathroom before we go." Finn said, before there was a chance of an awkward silence building up.

"I think I'll tag along", Artie replied without much thought of it, and followed his friend.

Once there, they found themselves with a minor problem. The cleaning lady had already finished with the corridor leading up to the men's bathroom, leaving the floor super slippery, not providing much traction for Artie and his wheelchair.

Afraid he might accidentally wheel himself straight into the wall, they quickly solved the issue by having Finn push him there. As awkward as it always felt to some degree for Artie, being pushed around by people, he imagined it must be ten times worse for Finn, the teenage giant, almost breaking his body in half to bend down and push him.

Only making Artie fear for his life once, when Finn knocked one of the chair's handles into a nearby bench and he nearly did a 360 on the spot, they found themselves having a childishly good time, goofing around on the slippery floor and forgetting all about why they were there in the first place. It wasn't until the main lights in the building suddenly went out that they reacted.

"I think we'd better head back.", Finn said, trying as hard as he could to avoid sounding like a total buzz-kill.

"Yeah, Kurt's probably pacing the parking-lot waiting for us.", Artie added, and with that, they were heading back towards the main building and the exit.

However, on their way out, they found themselves blocked by a major obstacle, literally. The bathrooms they'd just come back from were located in an adjoined building without any entrances, which judging from the giant metal anti-theft net blocking their way, apparently got sealed off at night.

It was in that exact moment it hit them both, practically simultaneously.

"They locked us in!"


	3. Chapter 3: 7 pm

"It's only been an hour, Finn. I don't think we have to start going over survival tactics just yet."

As soon as Finn realized they had left both their cellphones in their shared backpack, that was currently in Kurt's possession, something had changed within the otherwise confident leader. Artie had spent the last hour trying to convince him that no-one ever died from being stuck overnight in a mall before, and that they weren't going to get the death penalty for getting locked in by accident.

"But we don't have any food or anything.", Finn said hopelessly. "We're gonna have to go all Survivor on this place, like make fire with your glasses and roast rats or something."

Artie didn't want to upset Finn further by reminding him that sunlight is essential for the whole "make fire with a lens" thing to work, so he just shook his head.

"Dude, that ain't gonna be necessary. There have been cases of people going without food for over three weeks. I don't think we're gonna die of starvation going hungry for-", Artie checked his watch and did some quick math. "around 10 hours, ok?"

Finn still looked totally defeated, eyes on his feet and hands in his pockets, but gave Artie a slight shrug and a barely audible "Ok" as a reply.

"Also, like I said before", Artie started, trying to cheer his friend up. "Kurt's probably going crazy with worry right now, calling anyone and everyone to get us free. I'm sure we'll be out of here in time for a late dinner."

However, as Artie checked the time once more, he got the feeling there had to be something going on with Kurt too, for him not being able to get them help by now. He just hoped it wasn't anything serious, like getting ambushed in the parking lot by the school's Hockey team or anything. Unfortunately, Artie knew from first hand experience those kind of things had a tendency to happen in their town.

"So, let's go find-", Artiee started, but was interrupted by Finn slapping a hand across his mouth, a little harder than intended, doing the "sssh" sign with his other hand, then pointing towards the hallway on the other side of the anti-theft net that was blocking them from the main building.

Artie instantly recognized the voice that was cursing loudly in a foreign language, taking out some pent up frustration on a nearby pillar, punching it like a real pro boxer.

Out of everyone in Lima, Ohio, actually everyone in the world, it had to be the one person that Artie would like to have some sort of veto on being present: Santana Lopez.

Seeing Artie and Finn also being locked in for the night brightened her mood in an instant, and a smirk spread across her face as she closed up on them.

"Well hello there, losers. Got lost on your way out when mommy's not holding your hands?", she mused as she stopped in front of the net separating the teenagers. "Need Auntie 'Tana to help you with your problems?"

Artie and Finn could have made the Olympic team for synchronized eye-rolling.

"If you're here, doesn't that mean you're locked in too?", Finn asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nice observation, genius.", she remarked, but quickly changed the subject, not wanting to share the story of the events that lead up to her being there, or at least not to Artie and Finn, two guys she barely got along with on a good day. "Well, I'm hungry. What do you two dorks say we go find something to eat?"

"Oh, what a terrific idea, Santana!", Artie said in his most overly sarcastic tone. "We'll join you just as soon as we've finished squeezing through this net, ok?" Artie was obviously not amused.

Santana sighed over-dramatically as her hands went straight to her puffy hairdo, and after a couple of seconds, she drew out a small manual screwdriver from it, and started picking the lock to the net.

Being very tall for his age, Finn wasn't familiar with the feeling of his jaw actually dropping to the floor. This time, he could have sworn it had dropped all the way down to the basement. Artie was practically mirroring Finn's expression perfectly.

Within less than a minute, Santana had not only finished with the lock, but withdrew the net and made a gesture for the boys to come with her.

"Now, follow me for some late-night binge eating.", she ordered, and strode off towards the food section.

Finally finding his voice after the almost surreal moment he'd just experienced, Finn yelled after her.

"So, you're just gonna pick every lock in this place, or what?"

That made Santana stop in her tracks, slowly turning around towards the boy. Face to face with him, he could see from afar that she was grinning a comically large grin.

"You know what, Finnocence. That actually sounds like a great idea!"


	4. Chapter 4: 8 pm

**AN: Sorry for the incredibly slow update. I hope this unusually long chapter makes up for it.**

* * *

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"Look, I know you're about five years old mentally, but I thought you'd at least been taught not to speak with your mouth full.", Santana narrowed her eyes in disgust at Finn, stuffing his face with everything in sight at their table in the cafeteria, which was probably meant to seat about a dozen, and not the three people and countless piles of stolen food it currently was.

"'orry". With a hand self-consciously covering his mouth, he rushed to chew down the last piece of pie in there.

"What about the main door?", Finn repeated the question, but before Santana could answer, Artie quickly spoke up with a finger raised matter-of-factually in the air.

"In malls as small as this one, or well, small by comparison to most other malls, the only door with an alarm to potentially set off will be the main one. Now I don't know about you two, but I'd rather spend the night in here than in juvie.", he shuddered a little at the thought of that. Sure, he was glad he didn't have a nipple ring for his inmates to tear out, but juvie was still about the last place he ever wanted to pay a visit to after all those stories Puck had told him about his brief stay there.

"Then again", Santana chimed in with a playful smirk. "That means every other lock in this place is fair game for Snixx, Lima's very own Harry Houdini."

"Who's Snixx?", Finn asked confusedly, quickly replaying the conversation in his head for some mention of this mysterious person.

"It's who I'm gonna blame for eating all this food", Santana said, gesturing to the piles and piles of mostly candy they had managed to get their hands on during the last hour.

Chewing on a strawberry Twizzler, Artie made an approving sound and a hand sign to signal his approval, remembering when he was first introduced to Santana's alter-ego during Freshman year. He knew from first hand experience that there was no situation Snixx couldn't lie, manipulate, cheat or occasionally slap her way out of.

"Can we blame her for breaking into the sports store to get you and Finn some wheels, too? I'm not leaving without having an epic midnight roller hockey game in the hallways first.", Artie grinned when Finn's eyes lit up with excitement, and if he didn't know any better, he'd say Santana looked like it was brilliant idea, too. Everyone knew Santana and Artie had had something like a truce going on between them for a while now (although pretty much only to please Brittany), but pigs would probably grow wings and fly before she ever admitted that something Artie said sounded nothing short of awesome.

"Dibs on Wheels for my team.", Puck announced as he popped up behind Finn and Artie, laughing wildly as Finn screamed and promptly fell off his chair, landing sprawled out on the floor with a loud thud.

"Bet you didn't see that coming.", he commented happily on his unexpected entrance.

"I did.", Santana said. "I just didn't wanna say anything, because just as I thought, you scaring the shit out of Finn was the highlight of my week."

Finn plastered on the most faked smile he could manage while he climbed back up in the chair next to his old one, which Puck had stolen from him without a second thought. Something dangerously close to jealousy started to make itself heard within Finn as he watched his best friend greet Artie with a well-rehearsed and complex handshake, finished off with a bro-hug. Now, Finn wasn't the one to get all territorial, especially not about a dude, but somehow he still felt like Puck needed to be punished for betraying their best friend relationship, later in that roller hockey game they'd talked about.

"I'm starved!", Puck exclaimed as he did a nose-dive into the nearest pile of junk food.

"Just don't eat too much, ok?", Artie said without much actual concern for his friend. "I don't wanna have you on my kick-ass team of awesome if you're gonna be throwing up every two seconds. I'm planning on wiping the floor so hard with the competition, you'll be able to see your reflection in it afterwards." Nodding his head in approval of himself, Artie started chewing his way through yet another Twizzler. They had always been his favorites, and now that his Mom wasn't around to nag on him for it, he planned to make reality of the words that he could live on nothing but Twizzlers for the rest of his life... or well, in this case for about 9 more hours.

Reaching over the table, Santana janked the string of candy right out of Artie's mouth and whacked Puck over the head with it. Before any of them had the time to exclaim "Hey"'s and "What the hell"'s, she started off a minor rant.

"First of all: The only thing that's gonna be wiping these floors is Puck's mohawk, ok? For those of you who haven't seen me with a stick in my hand-", she winked playfully towards Puck. "I will have you know I just happen to be nothing short of a master at hockey, and I mean a full-blown summer camp triple gold medalist master." Finn looked genuinely impressed, but Artie seemed like he needed less words and more action, which Santana was more than happy to show him later.

"Secondly: Puck, you mind explaining what the hell you're doing here? I mean, four members of the same small-town glee club don't get stuck in a mall together by coincidence. Did Berry plan this behind my back or something?" As unlikely as that sounded, they all knew it was something Rachel wouldn't think twice about doing if she felt like there was a good enough reason for taking an illegal camping trip in a mall, like being first in line for Mandy Patinkin's autograph.

As Artie viciously janked his candy back from Santana's grip, looking like she had stolen his first-born child, Puck told the short version of the story of how he ended up among his friends.

"I got locked in. Wandered around on the second floor until I found my way down here." Suddenly, Puck's rather indifferent expression changed to one of shear amazement.

"Did you guys know you can actually walk on escalators when they're not moving?" Santana and Artie would have laughed at him if his stupidity wasn't so terrifying, and Finn managed to look even more mind-blown than Puck, which wasn't that surprising to either of them. After all, these were the guys who didn't know what a library was, and thought hot-tubs could carry sperm and make someone pregnant.

"Yeah, yeah. Cool story, bro.", Santana said annoyed. "Now hurry up and eat so I can unleash the Snixx on this place. This mall is like the freaking Eldorado for lock-pickers."


End file.
